Five Minutes Inside the Storm: My Journey Through Anxiety

🛋 The Trigger

I remember sitting there on the couch across from my best friend, and there I was—triggered. Not wanting to alarm my friend or drag her into the shadows of my mind, I knew I had only one choice: to sit. It was then, at that moment, I decided to take back control of my mind, body, and soul.

Consumed by anxiety that had me wanting to run away from myself, I knew I could no longer run from the unknown. I could no longer run from the emotional pain I was experiencing. The behavior I always resorted to when my anxiety became unbearable was no longer an option; I was not safe in my own skin. So I gave myself five minutes to sit inside the storm—to feel every tremor, every ache, without running.

🌪 Sitting in the Storm

During those five minutes, a broad spectrum of thoughts came racing to the forefront of my mind.

“You don’t have to do this, Asia. You can keep running from this.”
“You’ve got to do this; you need to gain back control of your life.”
“Don’t run, don’t run, don’t run.”
“Run, Run, Run.”

Not only was my mind racing, but my body was reacting to the severity of the anxiety. Nausea crept up, my stomach turned, my heart raced, the hairs on my body stood to attention. All the things that make you want to run away from yourself.

But once I was about two and a half to three minutes in, the emotional and physical sensations began to subside. The dark thoughts started to disperse and were replaced with more positive ones. The pit in my stomach no longer ached in the way it had just moments before.

🌱 The Reflection

It only took five minutes. Five minutes truly doesn’t seem long, but when you are sitting within a storm, that five minutes can feel like a lifetime. This moment became the pivotal point in my life where I no longer had control—to take control back.

During those five minutes, I understood that anxiety can give rise to emotions and thoughts that make any positive counter-thoughts feel unreal. I understood that I have the strength and the power to overcome the moments when everything seems unbearable. I understood that repeated actions will keep you spiraling in one direction—but choose different behaviors, and you’ll get different results.

Five minutes is all it took for me to take my life back from the pitfall of anxiety.

🌤 The Invitation

The next time you find yourself in a trance of sudden fear, when running feels like the only safe option—back to the comfort that numbs the pain—remember this: you have the power to overcome the darkness that’s taken hold of your mind. It might take longer than five minutes, or it might take less. But one thing is certain: repeating the same actions will only lead to the same results. Choose differently. You deserve a different outcome.

Asia’s Mental Health Journey

Hello, my name is Asia Renee Adair, and this is my story.

I can manage to remember back as far as third grade of being prescribed a drug known as Adderall for ADHD. Before I go any further, I need others to understand that Adderall is a suppressant. Not only was this medication suppressing my emotions, but I was taking it during the most critical stages of my life; the time when I find myself, who I want to be, and the peer group I want to associate with. 

I continued to take this medication until my 18th birthday, when I stopped taking it suddenly instead of progressively working it out of my system. What I didn’t understand, at the time, was the effects I was going to have from not taking the medication any longer. My body started producing its natural hormones but was going through withdrawal from Adderall. All my emotions were heightened, and my parasympathetic nervous system was in continuous overdrive. At this point, I had gone so long taking the medication that I didn’t know how to control or respond to my naturally occurring emotions. 

Depression, anxiety, and lastly, panic set in over the years and I no longer understood what reality was and what was not. What I created in my mind and what was in front of me. Every day to every other day consisted of panic or anxiety attacks. My emotions were so heightened I no longer wanted to feel them anymore, so as an outlet I would cause pain to myself, whether that was banging my head against the wall or taking a pen to my leg. All I knew was that I couldn’t continue living life, killing myself from the inside out. (A hyperactive parasympathetic nervous system can result in health issues). This awareness brought to my attention that I had to make changes within myself and in my life, but most importantly, it brought to my attention that I wanted to LIVE. 

Stay tuned for next week’s blog post which will be speaking on my healing journey.